Monday 27 March 2017

100wc

        One day Jimmy got out of bed went to the camera and started looking at the beautiful pictures of his family.  Well he was looking through the photos he came across a brown tarantula.  The weird thing about this photo was that in the background it had the same dresser and picture of Jimmy’s family on the wall.  Jimmy was getting worried.  He was positive that the picture was taken in his room.  So, he decided to check his room.  Jimmy put the camera down, walked into his room looked on the floor, and then screamed, “TARANTULA” and hit his head on the hard door.
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2 comments:

  1. Annabeth27 March 2017 at 19:52

    It should be, One day Jimmy got out of bed, went to the camera and started looking at the beautiful pictures of his family.
    Well he was looking through the photos he came across a brown tarantula. Replace 'well' with 'while' and put a comma after photos.
    He was positive that the picture was taken in his room. So, he decided to check his room. Maybe combine these two, take out the word 'so, he' and 'his room'. And then put 'and' between.

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  2. 100wcbyfread.com30 March 2017 at 20:31

    nice story.

    I think you need a comma after the word 'well' in your 2nd sentence.

    overall nice story

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