Laughter
Last
year, dad and I went to ‘Tim Hortons’ to get some breakfast for our
family. I asked if I could have a French
vanilla. My dad said, “Yeah sure, do you
want anything to eat?”
I said, “No thank you.” As we rolled up to
the window, they gave my dad my drink first.
So, my dad put the drink in his cup holder without either of us paying
attention. So, after we got all our
food/drinks, I said, “Thanks dad.” Then without knowing that I was about to grab an
ash tray, I take a sip and spat it all on our van. My dad was almost in tears, laughing.
You need to start new paragraphs whenever somebody speaks.
ReplyDeleteI think this sentence, 'Then without knowing that I am grabbing an ash tray', should be written like this, 'Then without knowing that i was about to grab an ash tray,'
Thanks for the feedback.
Deleteoverall amazing story, but in your first sentence you wrote "me" I think you should change it to "I"
ReplyDeletealso in your first sentence, 2nd paragraph you need a comma after the word "said"
also when you say "thanks dad" you need a comma after thanks so "thanks, dad"
also I am not really sure but I think "ashtray" is one word so "ashtray" instead of "ash tray" overall nice and funny story.
In your first sentence when you said me and dad went to you should have said '' me and my dad went to''
ReplyDeleteThanks
Delete